The Scrambler says it can be done started a “what are the ten commandments?” thread a while back. I’ve only just noticed it, and since this has been sitting in my drafts folder for a while, I figured I might as well throw it out there now while the subject’s vaguely live.
Herein be the Commandments by which we who live to drive shall abide.
The number of our Commandments shall be Six. Six be the Holy number, for it Hath both primary and secondary balance. In our cylinders we may stray from holiness, in search of rorty sounds, torque, or mere Practicality, but in our driving we muste know balance.
Commandment the First: Thou shalt endanger none but thyself
Thou mayest exercise thy mature and considered Judgement as to risks. Yea, and verily thy Judgement maye differ from that of thy local Law Enforcement Officials, for Tyranny must be resisted. But Shalt thy Judgement be in Error, and Shalt that Error injure others, thou wilt have earned the Contempt of all true Hoones.
And that wilt be Nothing compared to the Contempt thou shalt feel for thyself.
Forgiveness shall be granted unto thee only for Legitimate Racing Incidents in controlled environments, for the other driver Kneweth into what he wast getting.
Commandment the Second: Thou shalt not endanger thyself unnecessarily
Life is risk, and We who live to drive know that we may be called to pay the Price.
But injuries sustained through thine Idiocy shall forever remind thee that thou wast a Fool, and thy scarring shall grate upon thee more greatly as thou growest Older and Wiser.
Moreover, thou hast Loved Ones. And to Condemn them to know that thou diedst being a Dickheadde shall be a Torment upon thy eternal soul.
Commandment the Third: Thou shalt take pleasure in thy driving
Where thou may take The Roade Less Travelled, thou shalt
Where thou must take The Roade more Travelled, thou Shalt treasure the moments as thou Canst
To treate a drive as a chore shall be a Sin amongst us
Commandment the Fourth: Subject only to the other commandments, thou Shalt drive as thou Wilt.
If thy pleasure be in the Carving of Corners, it is well, for a neatly clipped apex is a Holy and beautiful thing
If thy pleasure be in Oversteere, it is well, for the Lord appreciateth a good powerslide, just like the next Guy
If thy pleasure be in Understeere, thou art Weird. But it is well, for those touched by the Moon are granted prescience; and thou shalt surely see thine Accident coming.
If thy pleasure be in Burnouts, it is well, for tyres are Evil and must be punished
If thy pleasure be in fuel economy; nay, even in not waking thy sleeping Passenger, it is well, granted only that thou taketh thy pleasure from the Joy of delicacy, or of beating thy numbers, and not from some misguided sense of Obligationne.
If thy pleasure be in simple Cruising, it is well, for Nirvana lieth in the rumble of the exhauste
If thou art a Driving God, it is well, for the spirit of Ayrton delighteth in competition
If thou art a Drift Idiot, a Tail End Charlie, or even struggling to master the clutche, it is well, for God loveth a Tryer
Howsoever thy driving pleaseth thee, it is Well, save onlie that thy pleasure cometh Not from the displeasure of others
Commandment the Fifth: Thou Shalt drive All thy vehicles when thou Canst
Fettling, maintenance, restoration and upgrades are Well, for there isse dignity in labour
Cleaning and polishing are Well, for shininess helpeth us to know which side should be Up
But the Soul of the machine is Motion, and to deny a Soul expression is abhorrent unto God. Thou shalt Not make of thy car a Garage Queen.
Commandment the Last: Thou shalt not Disrespect another man’s Ride
Nor another woman’s Ride. For we who Love to drive are as one, and Paternalistic Butchered English notwithstanding, the “-isms” have no place Amongst us
Not even a Donk. For a passion for cars is worthy of Respect, even if it Aligneth not with thine own passion
Nay, nor even a Camry. For there are truly those for whom Need must outweigh Desire, and the Soul of a Hoone may still live, deep within them.
The only Exception shall be the Rides of Those who give not a Damn about their cars. In such a case, Fill thy Boots.